Saturday, January 17, 2015

Many people think that
 a woman can either be a home maker OR a woman achiever.
A woman can either follow her dreams and take up a regular job OR take care of children and stay at home.

            Why is this so? Aren't people who dream of being a good home maker achieving their dreams? Aren't they successful in reaching their goal? So, why are they not appreciated or called achievers? Is that because they don't get paid or they don't get promoted from Mom trainee to Mom or home maker trainee to home analyst to home manager to home director or CEO?
            In this audio I speak my heart out about why I consider home makers as unsung heroes. Don't conclude that I am contradicting what I said in my previous post before listening to the audio.

            After speaking so much about the unsung heroes- the home makers, I thought I should talk to a few women to understand their thought about being a working women or a home maker.
Here are few home makers who can inspire you and make you understand that you can follow your dreams AND be a home maker at the same time. 

            Subarna is an example for a kind of woman who was also in a situation to choose between her kid and a regular job. She had other dreams too. But what makes her different from most women is that she did not give up on her dreams or blame situations to wash away her goals. She created her own path to reach her dream. She is the founder of a very famous online platform, Morsels and Juices, which promotes writers from across continents. The aim of the site is to bring women around the world together to voice their thoughts with words.

1. Do you think a woman should quit her job and give up on her dreams to be a good mother
There is no black or white answer for this. It is a very grey area and it all depends on the composition of your fiscal stability. In simple words, with marriage comes a great responsibility for both man & the woman. We need to prioritize our goals and aspirations, if both can work out a middle ground then nothing like it. But in most cases, men take the lead because women get caught up between raising children and family duties. A woman should never give up on her dreams, must work on enhancing her skills and must keep working towards her goal.

2. How do you manage to choose "And" and erase the "OR" ... work or good mother /work and good mother

It is always a struggle between a mother and a striving entrepreneur. Like any other parent, I do want my children to be happy and successful in whatever they do. To raise secured children, you need to be involved with them. This involvement takes time away from your work. It is very easy get up in the morning to go to work but to work from home and to have a flexi schedule is very very challenging. I end up spending more hours working than I would have done in a regular job.

                   Sanjeeta is a woman who can inspire thousands of women. She is a home maker turned food stylist. You can read her interview here. In her blog Lite bite she shares the food stories. Today she is being hired by big shots in the food industry to help them with food styling. She had to choose between her kids and a job but she had a dream to follow.

Neelam Chandra Saxena

“She is a record holder in the India Book of Records with highest number of books published in a year.”
“Neelam has been nominated in the list of 78 most well-known authors in India by Forbes for the year 2014.”
“Neelam has been nominated in the list of 78 most well-known authors in India by Forbes for the year 2014.”

She is also a bureaucrat working with Indian Railways.. 

She is a role model for many and a standing example of how time management is in our hands. 

When I spoke to Neelam Ji, these are the answers she had for the same set of questions I asked others. 
1. Should a woman quit her job in order to raise a good kid and be a good mother?
There always is a conflict whether to quit the job or not.
I think quitting a job is an individual choice. Some of us get good family support and/or other support and are able to manage the job as well as children well, while others are not so lucky.If the support system is good, one need not quit job just to show that she is a good mother.

One can be a good mother despite working and the other may not be a good mother despite not working.

2. Are home makers who are passionate about their family not women achievers?
Achievement is a very relative term. It all depends upon where your boundaries are and what is it that you desire. If the desire is fulfilled, then you are an achiever.

My Family: 
    Now as usual I am going to blow my own trumpet for being born in a such a nice family. The ladies in my family be it my cousin sisters or cousin brother's wives; we together have a whatsapp group named Yummy Tummy. Most of them are home makers in the group and are passionate about cooking (There are exceptions like me in this group, too. We love looking at the photos the passionate souls share and droll at it.) We try our best to cook different cuisines , recipes from the net, creative recipes of our own and even concentrate in presenting them well to the family. We declare theme weeks like if its oats week people share all recipes they have with the ingredient, cook them that week. This group keeps the ladies in my family engaged with something related to their passion. They are all achievers to me. I am sure my brothers, brother in laws, nieces and nephews are appreciating these women for how they try to better up day by day as a home maker.

Here is what the home makers of our group members said: 

with her daughter
"A woman need not quit anything to pursue something in life. Home makers are in the true sense achievers who work 365 days without any comp of, weekly off and the worst of all at times members of the home lament and don't appreciate the things that a home maker does. " -Nandhini Mithun

with her two sons
"I feel why is it always stereotyped that a women should only do all the sacrifice to family & kids. It should be shared equally by men, too. If she is career oriented or has her own life style and priorities why should it be seen that she is a bad mother. In many house a man works, goes to night clubs or pubs, drinks with friends, goes for outing and says "bachelors days" if the same thing a women does then it's wrong. I feel everyone has the right to live their life as they want and equally give attention to kids. Too much of attention will give grievance in our later age that we missed our time when we could have had fun, But kids, most of them won't even have time for us. Instead of getting hurt and cry it's better to give whatever attention is required without sacrificing our life so that we have no regrets or expectation from my kids, either." -Padmapriya Anand

Ramya with her kids
"Being a home maker is a highly responsible job in my opinion...u have to remember so many things for a day. With my kids I am learning new things day by day. Initially I struggled a lot; it took 10 yrs for me to stabilize and still am happy to be a homemaker and proud as well. Love your work which keeps you  young and energetic. My passions are cooking, crocheting and painting. Apart from my regular work  I spend times daily for my passions ." -Ramya Praveen

"Home makers are women achievers. They are achieving things in many ways like teaching to her kids as a teacher ,cooking as a chef , cleaning as a house keeper , washing as a laundry and many more. I am passionate about singing and cooking. I try my best to keep myself updated with these skills. " -Prabha Sarangan

Radhika, a web designer and a team lead in the beginning of the internet era in India (When very less girls were into the computer industry), decided to quit though she had career dreams. She turned into a home maker after she became a mom. She has a piece of mind for all the young girls debating whether to quit or not.

"Formative years are very important for a child to grow into a responsible adult. For this parental support and supervision is a must. If both the parents are working and if some support is there rendered by immediate family member( grand parents) then one can continue to work. If you are not having proper support system and the child is manned by maid then one is taking chances and there is always a probability of child growing to a responsible adult. The moment one feels the cant strike the right balance between family life and professional life it's better to quit."

"Home making is an art on its own and not everyone can do it very well. To be a good homemaker needs multitasking. The woman not only grooms her family but explores different areas. Had she been working she would be working on specific tasks with strings attached. Now world is filled with opportunities to volunteer in the areas one is interested and has option to own a business apart from her family responsibilities. If her child or husband is doing really well in their field its again her achievement. Without her unconditional support family cannot prosper."- Radhika Rajagopalan

You can be a home maker and a women achiever.
You can stay at home and follow your dreams.
You can be a home maker and take pride for that.

So friend when someone forces you to pick the OR, pick it up, throw it on their face and take a stand with you AND.

For working women:
Please read this post which is about a woman who can inspire the working women.

"This post is a part of #UseYourAnd activity at BlogAdda in association with Gillette Venus“.

3 Scribbles:

  1. Well written ! Now I understand the chat we had few days ago....came up well..all the best :)

    1. Thanks Uma! This is what i was discussing with you the other day! :D

  2. Nice write up, loved reading different views of different women.


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